Tomorrow I have been sober one year. In this year I have lost 20 lbs and gained 50, fought and made up with my children on too many occasions, learnt how to stick to my “guns” as a parent and stop giving in, let go of friends who trigger me or are no longer on the same path as me, made lifelong friends who are the first people I call when I am having a shitty day, and have come out with most of the shame that has tied me down in life. I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, but in a way only a sober person can. I have stopped being a doormat in life, and I stand up for my opinions and values.
I have not figured everything out yet, and I fucking doubt I or anyone else will, but I have been learning how to not be a shitty person. I have learnt that shame keeps people sick, and in some cases gives people a reason to “escape”. I no longer choose to numb myself and keep secrets that shame me. Especially when the shame is not mine to keep. The shame associated to my abuse is all on them.
Learning to wake up and try again is what matters. I do not have my business where I want it, and I still have feelings around rejection, but I AM not giving up. I continue to stay sober and give life my all because some people don’t have the guts to or the life to anymore. I have lost two very important people in a year, and they along with my kids are my why. Why I get up and fight the war on shame. Why I choose to let my light shine bright without pissing it out with booze. Why I get through life the hard way, but the worthwhile way. Being sober has been one of the hardest yet easiest things I’ve ever done. When you choose to live sober because you love life there is no going back. Not for me anyways.
So yay me! Fuck yea!!!!! To all of you that are in my tribe I fucking love you all!!! I have never had true friends like I do now. Ones who hang out with me because they genuinely enjoy my company. Ones who rsvp and support me in things they know I need supporting in. My new found family, and the few who have chosen to stay my family. Thank you.
Not only does it take a village to raise a child it takes a tribe to keep oneself happy and sober.