Well we made it through 2020. The year we learned to live through a pandemic, wear masks everywhere (which I still find weird going into a bank looking like a robber lol) and navigate social distancing rules. Some of us fared well others did not. I had some serious ups and downs with my depression. Let go of a guy I totally fell in love with, and entered a relationship with a man I should’ve listened to from the get go (more on that in a later post maybe) and probably partied more than I should have.
I realized more in the last month than I did in the last year. Here are some of my realizations.
If you eat like shit you’ll feel like shit and most likely end up looking like shit. May seem harsh, but this goes for overindulging in partying too. Neither one makes me feel good. If you can party hard and eat crap day in and day out and feel and look great then good on ya. Me, not so much. The added 25 pounds this year has given me has made me slower, foggier and unhappy. Lesson learned; take care of yourself. Eat from home. If you’re ordering in because you’re hungover stop drinking. Drink water because you’re not getting any younger and your skin needs water, and pay attention to how your body feels after what you fuel it with.
Not everyone deserves your time nor has your best interests in mind. Getting into a relationship is the easy part, but walking away when it doesn’t serve you is the hard part. Not for all, but for some. This was the first time I actually ended a relationship that didn’t serve me, however playing games and doing the back and forth game is pointless. Lesson learnt; walk away once so to save yourself the need to walk away again. Give yourself credit for knowing the right thing to do.
Renting space in your head rent free is literally giving someone somewhere to live for free! The drama this past summer was undoubtedly the worst I have dealt with. It should have stayed in the summer but I allowed it to continue. Let’s be real, I don’t mess around. If someone shit talks me or has an issue I will not back down. I have spent enough years being intimidated that this word simply isn’t in my vocabulary anymore. Yet here I am caught up in drama that was unnecessary. Lesson learnt; walk away from drama and remember other people’s opinions of me aren’t my business.
Falling in love is easy. Falling out is hard. Finding yourself and falling in love with yourself is worthwhile. I spent the better part of this year building a friendship with someone that sparked my soul and made me laugh like I have never laughed before. Literally the main reason I survived the initial lockdown back in Spring. Sometimes though we meet people not for a lifetime but for a reason or a season. Lesson learnt. Just because things don’t work out doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Meeting people and building connections are important in life. We learn and grow throughout every connection we make.
Sometimes holding a grudge is dumb. It always hurt my heart to not talk to my Auntie. The one that practically raised me. We are both so damn stubborn we almost made it to the 4 year mark of not one word spoken to each other. Over 39 years I think we had a fight like this one 2 maybe 3 times where we went years not talking. This time though I thought it was over. I never tried reaching out, as my abandonment issues were screaming noooooo, we cannot handle another loss. So life went on, kids turned into almost adults, my marriage became a divorce. Death, oh so much death from a brother to a brother in-law to many many friends. The second we began talking last month though it was a relief to have someone from my past back in my life. Someone who didn’t judge me and I truly love as one of the most important family members I have. Lesson learnt; the 72 hour rule will suffice no need to make it into a 4 year rule. Life is too fucking short to cut important people out of your lives. Also, sometimes you need to admit your part in things. Sometimes our actions hurt others and that’s okay. Communicate. Apologize. Move on. Before it’s too late.
I could go on with more of these realizations but I think this is good. I have a solid foundation for how I want to continue 2021. Single, because I am not alone just because I’m a single woman. I have killer friends who I can count on in the worst of times from bringing me coffee at 630am on a Saturday because I was up all night worried sick as a parent, or the ones who show up with a doobie and hugs after my heart was broken, or the ones that call the second I made a post that seems out of character, to the ones that have become my tribe to help me raise a teenager and all the others with their words of encouragement, love and strength. It is all of you that fill my cup.
I’m also really wanting to focus back on my health. Time to lose that added Covid/booze weight and get back on track. When you fuel your body right you feel right, and when you work your body out it actually helps your mind with focus and reaching not just fitness goals but all your other goals. Today I created my vision board and I’m ready to kick off the year right. I woke up sober and feeling great. I may not have achieved all my daily goals but I attempted them, and I feel successful in my day.
Thank you for reading. I hope you too have some attainable goals set for the year and have gone through your realizations and lessons learned. Let’s blow this year up! Time to stand up, rise up and show up!