My first press release and feeling of true empowerment.

My blogging journey did not start here it actually began in 2015 when I joined the Total makeover challenge where I lost weight, learned new tools, made friends, and blogged my journey on Shape Your World Society’s platform and got votes from the public to move from 30 woman, to 20, to 10. There is so much I could write about this journey, but it would be a very long blog post. During 2015 I struggled with leaving an abusive relationship and finding my way in life, and so I found myself right where I felt I fit in doing drugs and drinking almost daily. Needless to say I did not win that year.

Fast forward to 2017. Stuck, 3 months sober, lost my brother in law to an overdose, gaining weight like crazy, undiagnosed depression, etc. So I applied for a second time to this challenge ready to give my all. No giving up in round 3 like last time for drinking, and actually finishing something with 100% effort. I made it in and 7 days later my brother died. It wasn’t even that he died that was so shocking it was the feelings his death brought out in me. The anger of my mother standing up for her mother of the year award after having almost nothing to do with Eddie in his 41 year life; a life he lived with love even though he was very handicap. The feelings kept spilling over and I came out publicly that my step dad molested me. I stopped hiding the fact I lost custody of my children at one point. I started sharing everything that shamed me. I don’t know if I would have done all this without the support of the 29 other women in the challenge and the amazing sponsors, coaches, and board members.

I made it to the final round again and my dedication drifted, but this time not because I gave up but because I no longer needed the win. I had the win already. My life, my voice, and my tribe. I have since chiseled away at my shame, guilt, and pain. I was diagnosed with ptsd, and began addressing my anxiety and depression. I started to feel self worth and I left the challenge with a group of women willing to support me along my way. One of these ladies became my ride or die; she may drink Pepsi over Coke but we can’t find our equal without a few flaws 😉

I rejoined some of these ladies last night at the press release “Glog & Blog” to raise awareness about this challenge that was once in just Abbotsford. They added Langley 2 years ago, and now are opening up Chilliwack and Vancouver. If you are feeling stuck check this out and apply. You will walk away with a new found worth and a tribe of ladies who just want to be first again. In the midst of children, husbands, work, and yes shame sometimes we forget to treat ourselves. What better way than to join a challenge where you can learn to put yourself first. The greatest thing about this challenge is you don’t have to do it alone, and if you don’t make it to the end you still have support after. Win-Win if you ask me.

So bookmark this address, you can even read this years blogs… yep mine too hahaha. Applications begin December so follow them on fb.

http://totalmakeoverchallenge.com/

Thank you Shape Your World Society

<
p><<
p>

I can, I must, I will!

Did you know I was raised a silver spoon grandkid? Yep, spoiled to the deep core and the apple of my grandmas eye. So why did I turn down the wrong path when it looked like I had it all. Big houses, cars paid in full, dinners out, and an unlimited allowance. Well this is the secret that shouldn’t be a secret. You never know what happened behind closed doors, and you should never judge a book without reading it first.

I was full of shame! Yep, full of disgusting gut wrenching shame of how others would look at me. What people said about me. What people chose to see and conclude their opinion of me. So how is it I turned my life around? By owning my shame and giving back others shame. When I am no longer ashamed I can no longer be afraid of others opinions of me. I gave my step dad his shame back. Why should anyone who has been molested feel shame? We shouldn’t. Give that shit back to the rightful owner.

As for my shame of being a selfish mother and an addict I tossed it. Yes I still feel guilty sometimes, but not as often as I used to. When you decide to live a fulfilled life it all changes. The people around you change, your feelings change, your outlook changes, and the way you live your life change. So #fuckshame and live life!

My grandma always said I can. I must. I will. This motto can be used in your everyday life. I can kick ass in life and succeed. I must get out of bed on my bad days where I feel no one loves me. And most of all I will keep going and never give up.

So find that tribe and love them hard! If you think you don’t have a tribe come join mine!

PS I’m speaking at the event that changed my life 7 months ago. Come check it out for my full presentation on Shame and how to knock it down.

https://nj186.isrefer.com/go/vans/bonnie/

What do you mean I can achieve those dreams?

Remember when you were a kid and you dreamed that crazy dream? Well I remember. Through all the bad times I went through there were some real good times too, and in those good times I had dreams and ambitions. I wanted to be a dancer, an actress, and a writer, but I lost my ambition. I look back and I know where shit went south, and where I was failed, but, here’s the best part…… Just because we are not kids anymore doesn’t mean we stop following our dreams.

This goes to everyone. Not just me. Yes I was failed by a system and by my parents, and I chose to live hiding inside myself. Now I realize you just go for it! Doesn’t matter if you think you will fail because you might, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have all the answers, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks of your dream. It is your dream to live out, and honestly your duty to follow it.

I spent too many years trying to fill that void of not following my dreams, and so playing poker and being the best party girls around became my goal. The lifestyle had me feeling famous within a group, and I was respected finally. I forgot my dream and started looking for feelings. I felt important, I felt wanted, I felt powerful, and I felt untouchable. This lifestyle was fast paced and it took me by surprise. Addiction became apparent, and my life spiralled out of control. I have ran for far too long. 

I now live my life with purpose. I no longer drink or put myself in situations where I forget my number one goal of staying sober and I am finally following my dreams. No I do not want to be a dancer, although I love to dance. I also gave up on being an actress, but guess what. I will be a published author in 5 months, and I am in the early steps of starting my business from the ground up.

So if you have a dream no matter big or small follow it. Do not waste it! We are all here for a reason.