Where have I been, you ask? In a dark corner wrapped up in a blanket making excuses thats where! Does this sound familiar to you? Well, you are not alone. I make excuses as to why I haven’t been working my business to it’s highest potential. Easy answer, because I wasn’t ready to 110% be authentic, yet everyone thinks I am. So, today I drop the excuses and level up on my authenticity.
After an incredible year of being sober, starting a tribe, becoming an author/speaker and so much more it seemed everything halted. Some people have noticed and others have not, but what matters is I noticed. Not only did I notice, but I knew the reason why. All I have ever wanted in life was to be accepted and loved. I would like to add respected, but I haven’t been respected much growing up and I’m not talking about the respect I earned from a not so legal lifestyle either. I wanted acceptance and I was getting that, but I was also allowing anyone into my life with not so much a second thought. I’ve learnt acceptance from unaccepting people is not what I want.
I have been used, abused and taken advantage of from boyfriends and so called friends in the last year. I allow it too. Because I am a people pleaser, and I give many chances until I finally get burned so bad I can’t even complain about it because I let it happen. I have been called out by people for being a horrible person that says horrible things because once I get burned I get mad. Not a little bit mad, but like threaten you mad. Not my proudest moment okay.
What can I do to not get in a place where I feel like a bad person? Well for starters I can start setting up boundaries and sticking to them. I like helping people, it is in my nature to help people, but I can only help those that are willing to help themselves through the process. I also have realized that if someone is not willing to help you it’s probably a good indication you should keep walking because someone else could really use the help and will return the favour if ever needed.
For example, I just had my 2 year sobriety birthday and I received two phone calls. That’s right. 2. Last year, I arranged for a 1 year celebration at my house. I was surrounded by great company and given speeches that made me cry with joy. I felt accepted 100%. This year I realized I put too much effort in making friends. I would much rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. So, my 2 year sobriety was fast approaching and I didn’t plan a damn thing. I received my two phone calls that made me cry again because I am so fucking proud of myself. Those two phone calls meant much more to me than the hustle I put into accommodating others on my day. Yes, I received a generous amount of fb posts that day, but these two phone calls came from two people that knew my date because it is on their calendars, not because they were reminded by a post I posted. Quarters!
The day you stop living for others and start living for yourself is a great day. Being selfish is what sets the winners apart, and I mean selfish in I come first and foremost because when I am the best Bonnie I can be I get to reward myself by helping you.
I am becoming more Bonnie everyday.
Next up is owning who I am, and my defects.