Do you have a song that speaks to you? The one you sing out loud every time you hear it. The one where you belt out the words as if you recorded it, even though you can’t hit the notes becase singing is not your strong point? Well I do. I first heard the song Home by Phillip Phillips May 22, 2012 and it has since been my favourite song. I was in a relationship that started out physically abusive but turned into emotional through the tumultuous years I stayed. I was broken, tired, drinking shots of vodka every night alone after the kids were in bed and just coasting along through life. I had not felt like I had a home since my Grandma passed in 2004 and I did not know my place in the world. I felt alone and the years were flying by at an incredible speed.
I left that relationship but this song became strength to me. I was so afraid to go down the path I was going alone, and I just yearned for a home. Today I am not alone, but instead I have a tribe of people that are inspired by me. I used to think life was all about finding someone to make myself happy, become a family and live life as I believed everyone else was. Now I see clearly, and I get clearer every day. I get to make me happy!! I am never alone because I have the best version of myself and in turn a tribe of individuals that are rising up along with me.
My Grandma never remarried, and I never knew her with a man, but she was married to her work and boy did she make a difference in the world. I am not giving up on love, but I am trying my hardest to not fall into old routines. I do not need to be defined by my relationship status, and I don’t need to be on a mission to finding the one because when we do meet we will know right. I want to change lives and with doing that I will be changing my life drastically in turn improving my childrens lives. There is that cycle I talk about and I am ending the cycle of abuse and violence. I stand on my feet strong in knowing my purpose is meant in this way.
That unfamiliar road in the song is exactly where I am, and the demons are not in charge anymore. It’ll all be clear and it really will be if you are open to understanding it and then embracing it!! Just know you’re not alone ‘Cause I’m going to make this place your home. You are not alone!!! And home is where you make it. I could no longer force myself to make homes with people who do not value me, and finally I have a home!! I am fulfilled and have never been so grateful in my life. People actually like me!!! Who would’ve thought being genuine is better than being fake and “cool!”
I leave you tonight with two pictures of my Grandmother who is about as badass as any woman in her time. She did what most men couldn’t in a male driven world. My hero, my idol and my favourite egg maker in the world. I love you Grandma Ceel and you push me to excellence to this day. I also leave you with the video of my favourite song. XX