Well there went my blogging streak. Maybe I spoke too soon, or maybe life just happened and instead of sharing with you, my audience, what has been going on I froze! Classic Bonnie move really. When I was younger I could just run away to California, or move into a friends, or, what I have been known to do in the past, run away with the Carnival. Now I just freeze, hide and forget.
So here I am owning my shit! I can’t expect to keep this amazing following by holding some of me back right. I have been vulnerable from the beginning sharing things that I have kept secret for most of my life, and if I want to show people how to show up fully I need to do it too.
Yes, I have been very busy speaking and networking but I also attempted to have a dating life. What!! Me!! Date!! What is that? I mean my older children’s dad I met on the Carnival and we practically lived together since day 1 and stayed together almost 5 years. Then there’s my last child’s dad……… we met, I fell hard, I moved in and lost myself along the way. Oh what about my husband…… well he moved in before we were a couple and we were exclusive from April 19th until not many days later we married May 5th. So there’s my dysfunctional love life. Oh, and I did live with a guy before I had kids for over a year, but in true Bonnie fashion I ran away without breaking up with him. Such a coward I was, but not intentionally. I simply wanted to be loved but didn’t love myself because of all the shame I carried.
So back to dating today….. For one, as a sober woman with 3 kids and a career where would I find men? Decent ones too because
I know my worth now and I love myself so much I know what would compliment me now. I met a guy….. and boy was he kind, good looking and the best part FUNNY!!! Too bad I caught feelings when we discussed we wouldn’t. Hi, I am Bonnie and I don’t necessarily listen. I believe I have an awesome friend in him and hope he stays a positive force in my life; feelings aside. I’m proud of myself too!! I communicated how I felt, cried a tiny bit because my feelings were hurt and moved on. At first I thought “what is wrong with me” but then I said to myself it wasn’t meant to be. I believe deeply everyone we meet we do for a reason. I really learnt how to communicate too and that is never easy but oh so important if you want a full life. By full I mean being brutally honest with everyone including yourself, and no matter how hard a situation may be it will not kill you. So if it is on your mind get it off your mind through speaking. A wise friend of mine once said it is the “rule of 72” if it is still bothering you after 72 hours you need to talk about it. It’s an injustice not to. Free your mind to free yourself.
Today I am happily single and trying out dating. I have never been on a “date” and by that I mean no bar and party just two people getting to know each other with no intentions and if after meeting you don’t connect you say thanks for the coffee and go your separate ways. Also, dating now won’t be me putting in all the effort. If someone wants to be around me I will know because they will make an effort equal to mine. Sounds easy enough right? Well I have my first date tomorrow and I’m really nervous!! It includes coffee at Tim Hortons and possibly Castle Fun Park if we choose to after coffee. Brutal honesty right, no point in dragging anything on.
Wish me luck that I don’t fall flat on my face.
XX Badass Bon