I am back. Yet again…. Do you know how hard it is to be a single mom to 3 children (two of which are teenagers), run a household and a business? While it is very rewarding it is also tiring. Especially when you havent slept well in decades. So, if this sounds like you I suggest looking further into how you can change this.
For me this began with sleep. After my friend telling me I stopped breathing one night I took the steps to find out if I have sleep apnea. We already know falling asleep is hard for me, but once I am asleep I wonder if I get any rem sleep. I do not. I slept over at the hospital and in 6 hours of sleep I stopped breathing over 230 times and my rem sleep didn’t last more than 3 minutes. Yikes!! So bring on the sexy cpap machine. Thank god I don’t share my bed hahahaha. At least this sexy momma will be alive though.
Next, how do I make living with 3 kids a bit easier? Well one I stepped it up. I have vowed to go somewhere new every weekend on an adventure. Building memories are very important and now that I am sober and available I need to prioritize my time. I also am learning to let go with the teenagers. 14 and 15 is when they learn who they are, and I can’t hold their hands along the way (I tried and its not happening) so I am being more lenient and in turn the kids talk to me more. What a win!!
I also was feeling a bit down feeling alone surrounded by so many supporters. Family. I was missing a big piece of my life and again I have prioritized what is most important to me. I met my bio dad in October after being estranged for over 2 decades and over May long weekend I was reunited with my Aunt and Uncle after 28 years!!! I always felt no worth and not loved. I wondered where my family was. Why did no one want me in their lives? Well they did! If my Mom hadn’t told my Dad he wasn’t my Dad maybe I would’ve found them earlier. No! I would have because I found his number multiple times throughout the years and left it to my Mom to call. Little did I know she would sabatoge my chance at being loved. So if I have learnt anything from this it would be take control of yourself! I was too scared of rejection that I never called my Dad, yet if I would’ve I would have been accepted right then and there. It is what it is though, and it is a life lesson. Rejection is a part of life, but if you dont try you dont know and not knowing is worse.
I remember this day and tell this story as the one where “I met my real dad for the first time” this was my only memory of him. I was 12 (in actuality I was 9) and Mom took me on her drinking adventure to Vancouver which was a pretty regular thing. After she got drunk she pointed to my Dad and said this is your Father. Stumped, after sitting there for hours beforehand. I remember the picnic table, the kitchen, basement and my Mom drinking then argueing with my Dad.
I am grateful to have found my family. The family that loves me and wants to be in my life.
Comments · 2
Bonnie: I too met my real father later in life. I was 33 the day I made that fateful call and said hello. My brother had leukaemia and his dying wish was to find our Dad and visit with him just once before my brother died. My mother had sabatoged our efforts for years and said she did not know where he was. It didn’t take me long to find him, but it was a very hard call to make. Hello this is your daughter you haven’t seen or heard from for over 25 years! When I told him about my brother, he got right on a plane and we both flew to see my brother in Winnipeg. We spent 10 wonderful days getting to know one another. I had half siblings I didn’t know about and now have wonderful relationships with. After that I spent as much time as I could getting to know my Dad, loving him and in return finally feeling loved. He passed away a few years ago, but I will be forever grateful that I met him and got to know him before he passed. Meeting him helped to complete the circle of life and brought a peace and calmness to me. I hope this happens for you as well.
Thank you for sharing. We are all connected through our stories which help each other. I have definitely found peace in knowing my bio family.