Anxiety… This is my life on a daily. Worrying. Overthinking. It is simply exhausting, and here I am pushing through it because the alternative isn’t rewarding. I have spent so many years debilitated by other peoples opinions of me that I was trapped in this never ending cycle of trying to perfect myself.
I came to realize recently that I have formed some unusual bonds with people. People who did not like the old me, or had a skewed idea of who I was. It is this new path in life that has given me more friends than I know what to do with. To feel fulfilled by my tribe is a wonderful feeling, and I owe it all to my sobriety. Without sobriety I would still be hiding behind those big brick walls I spent years building. To think I started laying these bricks down as a young toddler.
A girlfriend said to me the other day that she remembered me as a mouthy girl. One with a bad attitude. Looking back I remember that girl and she was simply trying to fit in, yet was always thinking everyone hated her so she showed attention how she was taught. Violence and fighting. Now fast forward to today and the thought of confrontation scares me. Without those walls and booze I am actually a really kind loving person.
A reminder that everyone has a story, and some of them are really heartbreaking. I will not sit here and think about how I could have been a better if life was different because its not. I am not perfect nor will I pretend to be; I am a bit of a princess though. So yea, I am a bit of a hard person with a thick shell that can take a lot of shit, but I no longer need to. You are in my life, or you are not. So to all those people who have stuck by my side, and to all those that have come back around and all of you newcomers who say I inspire you THANK YOU! Thank you for believing in me, for understanding me and for pushing me to excellence. For the haters, y’all need to dig deep inside yourself and figure out your own stuff because I can guarantee when your liking a fulfilled life you will stop hating on others.
Check back tomorrow to see what else needs to get off my chest.