Day 14 and a difficult time in my life.

Thanks Pinterest for being so vague on this one. How does one choose one difficult time in their life. It was difficult when I held my grandmothers hand for her last breath. It was difficult to choose me over a loveless marriage. It was difficult to stop using drugs everyday. It was difficult to kick my son out after constant battling with each other. It was especially difficult living through years of childhood sexual abuse. It was difficult to love my mother even though she didn’t know how to love me back. It was difficult to write my story. It was difficult to stay in an abusive relationship and extremely difficult to leave after many years. It is difficult to watch your children hurt. It is difficult to get out of bed. I think this is just the tip of the iceberg.

My whole life I have known immense pain, trauma, neglect, abandonment and disrespect. I have been tossed aside, abused, spat on, kicked and so much more.

But you know what was really difficult? Owning my truths. Ditching the shame I held onto from years of trauma. Admitting my wrongs in life. Standing up for myself and others who need it. It was difficult to share my story after feeling so defeated for so many years, but they say nothing worthwhile is easy.

So, although I have lived through decades of hell I have come through the other side. And do not think for one second I have this thing called life figured out because I do not. I am not “fixed” nor am I who I see myself being in the years to come, but I have started the process to healing and that’s all I can do. I can accept my past and grow from it. I can and will learn from it and I must go on.

We have this thing that we all share. It’s called choice. I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to survive. I have chosen to share my journey for many reasons. Some do the same thing I am doing but are private people. I chose to be an open public book, because I believe people like me change the world. By sharing everything with you I give power to others to know they are not alone. As a little girl I once thought the abuse was something I bared alone, and it gave me much shame. As I became vocal I learnt just how often this happens to others.

Here’s the thing. The more we talk about our tribulations, the more we take away the stigma, the shame and the hurt the less it happens. When we can openly talk about horrific things the power is taken away. When predators choose their victim they are certain they will get away with it. Mine did for many years, until I walked into that cop shop 3 years ago and told my story. I took my power back.

I want you all to take your power back because you are worth it. I am worth it.

And with that I ask you all to stay strong, stay safe and stay BADASS!

xx Badassbon

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