Today was literally like 3 days in one! Visits, dinner with friends, packing and sorting pageant stuff, picking up last minute items, cleaning, final lists made, and a good night blog. Hmmmmm, and the feeling around today was anxious. Remember, we procrastinate not to avoid the task but to avoid the feeling associated with the task. So all month, and all week I put off everything that I crammed into 3 days.
I think procrastinating can be avoided now that I know it is the feeling I am avoiding. By being aware of the feeling and thinking it through I may just overcome this issue that probably gives me more anxiety than if I just got it done.
I also think I avoid doing it because in the past I would quit. I never fully finished anything in my life. School, jobs, heck I didn’t even finish a full season due to being pregnant on the carnival lol!!! But here I am killing it. I am going into tomorrow as ready as I will ever be. My van is packed, my morning outfit is ready, my make up is out and ready for the morning; to then be packed up and brought with me, my overnight bags are ready (so grateful for one of my besties to host me so I will only be a five minute drive from the theatre), and my personality is ready to be shared. Let’s be honest, I may look intimidating before my morning coffee but I am literally a ray of fucking sunshine with loads of humour that’ll possibly make some pee their pants a little.
I may not be fully rehearsed, or know every dance step to a T, or even know exactly what my speech will be tomorrow night, but this is how I have done things since I began this way of life. My speeches are never practiced or written down and I feel I get more powerful each and every time I get out there, so I am ready!
Stay tuned for Monday, as I will be back to let you all know how I made out. Honestly I think I’ve won anyways; maybe not the title but the encouragement, confidence, support, and drive to do something that completely scares the shit out of me!! I told my girlfriend that if I was to trip in my huge heels I would just continue rolling on stage to my spot because why not just “roll with it” hahahaha….