Midday thoughts

Often I sit and wonder about things and that is exactly how each one of my blog posts become. Reason #1 why sometimes I will go a week or more without writing. Life is busy, and as a single mom trying to just make it through the day it is hard. Actually let me rephrase that! AS A MOM LIFE IS HARD!! Single moms, married moms, all moms!! We ensure the life of our littles on top of our own lives. Pretty badass if you ask me!

Today I am working as a caretaker for an elderly lady who fell down the stairs and broke her clavicle. She speaks very little English, yet we are communicating through one word questions/answers and my own made up sign language. It makes me think how amazing we are as humans when we just need to figure it out. We do that often don’t we? Figure shit out.

I am figuring out how I am on the fence with communication. Sometimes I freaking rock at it and sometimes I absolutely suck at it and should go back to coaching lessons on how to spit out what I need to. I mean let’s be real. I’ve fallen for someone who probably has no flipping clue hahaha, but that’s okay. Half the battle is acknowledging my own faults. Does this mean I am going to go tell him? Ya no! BUT!! It does mean communication is something I will be working on in the coming months.

Have you ever just yelled at someone instead of saying “I’m really upset right now, this is why, this is how I feel, and how do you feel about this?” Yea me either. For example, I have a teen daughter and it’s like fighting with a miniature version of myself which let me tell you is karma through and through. I am learning to take a step back in every situation that involves my communicating and thinking before speaking. Next I will work on communicating when I really really don’t want to!

Sitting here also has me thinking about getting older. This woman I am caretaking is 88 years old! EIGHTY-EIGHT!!! I bet she has some stories to tell, and if I understood Polish I would most definitely be picking her brain to tell them to me. I find it fascinating to hear others stories. How they moved here to Canada, how their countries are different and how they adjusted to life here. I am intrigued in people in general. Just like people are interested in my stories of overcoming some of the most horrific things a person could go through and how I got to where I am now.

Now this whole aging thing. It’s like I don’t really think about it. I feel super young and let’s be real I look pretty young. I feel like I have many years ahead of me which I quite possibly might, but nothing is promised in life. Also, who knows how my body will treat me in the future. So it has me thinking! I spend way too much time watching TV! I spend way too much time arguing! And I spend way too much time overthinking!! So this stops today! I don’t want regrets when I am older.

I challenge you to cross something off your list! What list you ask!? You know the one!! The one where you’ll get around to it, the one you’ll do when you’ve lost more weight, the one you’re waiting for when your kids are a bit older! Yea! That list! Do it now, because you are alive and here for a reason and being happy is one of them, so please do what makes you happy.

XX Badass Bon

Don’t think. DO!

Here I am; 100% authentic, vulnerable, proud and confident.

Tonight I danced in my first Army of Sass dance class and I loved it! What is Army of Sass you ask. It is a heel based dance class for women to unite and be confident together. It is two hours of drills and choreography where we sweat, laugh and enjoy being women. Let me tell you I feel like my ass was handed to me. As I sit here I can still feel the burn in my arms and legs, but it is a welcome burn because it is time to get my butt in gear. I have struggled with my weight for far too many years and am taking a stand to no longer have my weight stop me from doing what I love to do. DANCE! I actually danced as a kid into my teen years and have always held dancing close to my heart.

Walking into tonight’s class took about as much confidence needed as I needed to enter the Miss BC pageant this past summer, and well we know how well that turned out. As British Columbias two title holder I would say my confidence has helped me in more ways than one. The thing is; confidence wasn’t something I always had. I actually never liked how I looked until about a year ago. From early on I always thought I was different. Guess what!? I am different and that is a good thing. We are all different and special in our own ways, and my super power is coming out on top.

I was asked once “why are you doing the pageant; aren’t they for skinny pretty girls?” Well well well. That was this one persons opinion and if I went through life any longer based on others opinions of me I would not be where I am today. Nope I am not a size 2 and most likely never will be, but I am a beautiful wonderful person. So like a friend used to say to me “if not now when?” Tonight! Thats when! So I walked into that class after not dancing for 20 years and had fun! Because at the end of the day thats what it is all about, and fun was had!

So the next time you want to do something but think maybe next time, or when I lose weight, or when I feel better about myself I say to you GO FOR IT!! Your here on borrowed time, so take the chance and take the dance class, or whatever it is you want to do but think you will just wait on it. Let’s teach our kids to own who we are and what we offer. Because confidence can be learnt I promise you this.

And so I leave you with this

“Courage is contagious. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver” Brené Brown